"If Kate and Pippa jumped off a bridge, would you?"
Yes. Yes I would.
"If Kate and Pippa smoked crack and pulled out all their hair, would you?"
Why, Yes. Yes I would.
Ughh, if Pippa and Harry could just make it work, the wheels would be OFF.
And that, ladies and gents, is how to get flagged as a potential stalker threat to the royal family. You're welcome.
Perfection.
Back to it...
Dukan. It works, I'll tell you that much. There are 4 phases, but in true Mary Clay fashion, I was hardcore until a little over halfway through phase 2... and then I fell off the wagon.
In a nutshell:
Attack phase: Eat ONLY protein, excluding obvious fatty meats (duck, ribs, sausage... geez now I'm drooling), fat free dairy, and the obligatory 1.5 Tbsp of oat bran for anywhere from 2-10 days, dependent upon what Dr. dukan prescribes for your particular weightloss plan.
Cruise Phase: Introduce vegetables to your diet, but only root vegetables. No legumes (again, sorry La), no starchy potatoes or corn, and carrots and beets in lesser amounts because they are higher in sugar. Also, you up your oat bran to 2 Tbsp a day in this phase. You can alternate veggie/protein/oatbran days with protein/oat bran days (a la the Attack phase). OR you can eat v/p/o five days a week and p/o the remaining 2. (There are a couple other forms of alternation of v/p/o and p/o, but you get the gist... you better, because I'm over explaining this).
Consoldation Phase: Introduce fruit, bread, fattier cheeses... In my opinion it gets far too technical here, and you're bound to become obsessive and crazy. (I know nothing about that).
Stabilization Phase: You can eat what you want, in moderation (I know nothing about that- no really- nothing), while still maintaining the oat bran (up to 3 Tbsp at this point... mmm) and having a Protein Only Day on a consistent day each week. (Doc suggests Thursdays. Why? No idea).
As for liquids: Coffee, diet drinks (which I think are TERRIBLE FOR YOU), unsweetened tea, and water... No alcohol. Pssh, yeah right.
Ok I'm tired of talking about this, and anyone still with me is tired of listening. News flash: if you STOP eating ALL carbs (except oat bran... Im sorry, wth? This is a cult. I need to be committed) and virtually all fat- you WILL drop weight. Like realllyyy quickly. That said, spending one night knee-deep in a bag of Doritos, a loaf of bread, and some Oreos covered in peanut butter (I know nothing about that), and you're back where you started, plus 8 lbs. If you're still interested (seriously?), visit the website for the official rundown and/or read the book (Yep, I read that too). Clearly, I did get pretty into it for the time I did it, and it heeded results. However, it all comes back to that "I'm not having fun, and I'm not that fun to be around" feeling... which is, well, not fun.
A girl's definition of fun: (universal adj) can be used to describe anyone, anything, any action, any feeling, any emotion, any awkward silence, any embarrassing moment, any outfit, any fleeting vocabulary word.
ex: She is so fun! That top is so fun! Are you having fun? OMG this is so fun! I had fun. How on earth did you not have fun?
In other FUN news, we have our first shower/engagement parties this weekend!!! Giddiness.
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