Peep dis

the Skimm- a sorority girl turned Wait, work is for like-ever? ‘s dose of news.  It def leans left, but just log on Fox News for 8 seconds and you’ll be properly aligned. They shoot you an email every morning with manageable paragraphs (Lezbe honest, I only read the captions of pictures in Us Weekly). The writing is witty, and they link you to the real story if you REALLY want to expand your mind. Nope.

Archetypeme.com – you take a quiz (like most things of interest to me… Hi, I’m 7) which is kinda personal/kinda oogie. Basically it felt like a small therapy session. After you answer about 10 questions, they tell you the top “archetypes” that define you. Heavy, huh? I ended up being 35% Athlete (HEY-OOOO!), 34% Caregiver (Wait, what? I care about people?), 20% Creative (I’ll take it), and the rest divided between like 7 other archetypes. Your homepage gives you articles based on these traits, and you can select the ones that truly pertain to you to make your own board. I was skeptical of what Freud behind the computer said I was, buuuuuut it’s pretty dead-on. Athlete= new playlists, workouts, food trends (DUH) Caregiver=tips for home entertainment, cooking, mom stuff (meh, 2 out of 3 ain’t bad), Creative= DIY’s, celebs, fashion (yep, yep, yep).  

True & Co.

I’m sorry,  I lied, I’m here now. Still friends…? Friends.

I hate bras. Like hate them. Wires, loose straps, back fat. Ugh. If it wasn’t completely inappropriate, I would free-boob it all over this damn town. CVS, Walgreen’s, 7-11, and any drive-thru are perfectly acceptable braless establishments in my book, but I draw the line at the grocery store.

Omg BREATHE mother.

When I do strap them in, I have a select few that make the cup... HA! 

1. The Coobie Bra. Found this gem at a boutique in Newport, RI (yes I just wanted to name-drop Newport). It’s like a feminine sports bra with straps you can criss-cross, one shoulder, you get it, you’re not a moron.  It has a little padding, but I hate padding, so I pulled it out. To each his own. The padding is probably there to hide the THO, but I’m sorry. If Jennifer Aniston allegedly had a surgery to where she has permanent THO, it is CHIC AS HELL. Only other con to this bra is that it doesn’t cut very low, so you often have to rig it with a safety pin to dip it down. Thank you for the opportunity to let you all know just how white-trash I am.

2. Hanky Panky Racer-back Bralette. (Thanks, Erin!) Most of you know I’m a sucker for a good racer-back, so this is a given. Even I know you can't wear a racerback with everything, so I’d say that’s the only con.

3. The point of this post. I stumbled uponTrue & Co. via this blog. I took the quiz like 22 times before I actually bit the bullet. It asks you thinks like Which way do your breasts naturally lie? I don’t typ look at those fat sacks, so I sent it to Crawford to see his opinion. His response, “This is a trap. Not answering.” More questions about your favorite bra, your size, how does it fit you, where does it pinch, sag, fall off, etc. After the quizzie, they pick 2 bras for you based on your answers, and you scroll through a bunch of different ones and pick 3 more. That’s 5 total, peeps. You pay a $45 deposit, they ship you the brassieres, you might like them all, or you might return them all. I only liked one, so they refunded me $7, and I will use it to buy booze. No underwire, no padding, still gives you some lift, criss-cross straps, and a partridge in a pear tree. Check it out!

 

 

 

 

It's beginning to look a lot like... WEDDING BELLS!

So beyond distracted.

Giddiness upon waves of stress upon waves of more giddiness upon waves of intense pain in my teeth... Oh wait. That's because I did white strips today. Naturally, I went for the biggest bang for your buck (i.e. the most extreme for the shortest amount of time, duh). Even so, if I knew the Target special was going to require hydrocodine to counteract the pain, I never would've gone there. Or wait... yes, yes I would have.

MC: heeehee hooo hoooo oouchieee oww

C: You know those are terrible for you teeth, right? My dentist told me that last time I was there (Insert tone of judgement because he knows I avoid the dentist like the plague- I have "good teeth genes" ok!- Insert my tone of judgement because he goes to the dentist 6 times a year... These opposing forces, L's & G's, are why we work. Can I get an AMEN, Paula?)

MC: Well I'm still doing them.

WHY must I be a defiant 6 year old at any.given.moment? Not sure. But guess what? We got our marriage license today!! This means it's the Dental Expert and the 6 year old FO' LIFE come next Saturday... Welp that certainly sounds like a headline for the Enquirer. 

Mom gets here tonight, sister gets here Tuesday, and the festivities begin on Thursday!!!  Aside from my breakdown every time I refresh the weather.com 10-day forecast (it says RAIN! wahhhh, it says SUN!, they're lying), I am loving the timing of our wedding. I certainly couldn't survive as a bride-to-be with the holiday treats all up in my thighs at any given moment. I salute you, January brides.  

Sorry for the lack of posts, I know you've all been inconsolable. I promise to be back in action post-honeymoon. Next time you see me (hear me?) I'll be Mrs. Double Name Gupton!

Hook 'em!!



That is all.

Tracy Anderson + Gangam Style

Have y'all heard of Tracy Anderson? Gwyneth swears by her, and I have a bit of a girl crush on both of their killer bods. True to form, I'm burnt out on just about every workout I've overdone. Running is the only thing I consistently go back to, but my knees and shins and hips are quickly resembling those of an 86 year old. Sad, but true.

 

Enter Tracy's Metamorphosis.

 

 

You take a little online quizzie- who doesn't love a quiz? And it analyzes where your body tends to store fat and/or gain weight. Based on that analysis, you are prescribed the workout set that is specific to your shape. It's about $90, but with that comes a plethora of DIFFERENT workouts, specifically targetted to YOUR ass. And hips. And thighs. Each varying mat workout begins with the same dance cardio routine, which brings me to the real point of this post.

 

Y'all. Homegirl stole my dance moves. Jumping around, kicking her legs, aimlessly bounding... ring any bells? Yep. 30 minutes of straight bouncin' around, calling it dancing. Pretty much my Friday & Saturday nights in a nutshell. So clearly, I LOVE IT! I suggest putting your own music to it after you do it one time. It goes amazingly well with Gangam Style. On repeat.

 

In Loving Memory of Greta 1/22/2009 - 9/26/2012

Most of you know that I hardly ever called her "Greta," so the title might seem almost comical. Among countless other senseless nicknames, she was my Teetsie, my RuRu, my Shushie, The Girl. I remember the day we got her like it was yesterday. We showed up to the Swissie Compound, complete with dog mansion to match the breeders' mansion. We heard the "aRU-RU-RUuu" bark before we saw the gentle giants, and I remember saying to Crawford, "Those are the male dogs... right?" Sure enough, they were girls and one was Greta's mama. Once we got the all-clear from the protective breeder, we had that sweet baby in our arms. I am using the term "baby" loosely, because she was not your regular sized 8 week old puppy... She was already heavy to carry. Gosh I would give anything for that day.

Her size was not the only "non-puppy" thing about her. Her demeanor at 8 weeks to the day she left us was that of an 18 year old precious lug. Not much excited her. Except for Crawford. I always said that if I walked in one door with a huge slab of raw meat and Crawford walked in the other, she wouldn't even glance my way. She loved him SO much. And for good reason! That man would do anything for her... and he did.

There are so many things I will miss. That face. Such a precious, puddin' face. Those brown dots above her eyes, or her eyebrows I guess, were my favorite part. She was so striking! Her eyes held so much more wisdom than she every fully revealed. It was like she knew secrets... Her coat. I will miss that soft fur with every inch of my being. Her presence. Her calming, soothing presence. Going on walks. I will miss the way she knew we were going on a walk anytime a plastic bag was rustled. The way she would put part of the leash in her mouth and tug it like it was actually her walking Crawford or me. That is a great way to look at it honestly. She took care of us, just as much as we took care of her. She held us up!

Everyday life will be the toughest. We already feel it. Now it doesn't matter if we forget to put the trash can on the counter out of reach or if we leave tennis shoes and socks on the ground after a run. We don't have to put a chair on the couch or close his bedroom door to protect it from Greta hair. Saving trash bags, keeping towels in the car, and putting her leash in a spot the other will find it... All these little habits we are so conditioned to do just don't matter anymore. 

 

I think that's part of what God and Greta want us to see too... All the things that simply don't matter. Whether the burlap is frayed enough for our wedding tablecloths, whether or not it will rain that day, whether my nail color is too summery (ha)... Doesn't matter. Love matters. Being kind matters. Being authentic matters. We gained another clear perspective as well: We can't wait to go to heaven. This world is so full of pain, and with Jesus there is no pain. Don't get me wrong, our lives on earth are amazing and we are beyond thankful, but they don't compare to what is waiting for us!

 

Thank you, Greta for strengthening our love for each other and for the Lord. We will miss you every single day... You're the Best Girl, and now you really are our Angel. We celebrate your life!!!



St. Tropez Mousse

I'm Mary Clay, and I'm a bronze-o-holic.

Hiii, Mary Clay.

Most children grew up with their mothers harping "Sunscreen, Sunscreen, Sunscreen!!" Allie and I grew up with a mother harping "Tanner, Tanner, Tanner!!" Love you Mom, but it's true :) I left the tanning beds behind in college- for the most part- I confess I've been like 5 times over the past 5 years. Don't judge... I can feel you judging. I loooove laying out, but let's get real, it's not doing my skin any favors. I got super into Versa Spa for a good 2 years- like going every Friday morning of my LIFE, and while I learned from the expert Emily :) of how to make this work for me, in the end the monthly charge of $80 was taking a hunk out of this budget. Not to mention... This conversation happened while Crawford and I were on a run (of all times) about a year ago:

C: Hey, we need to talk about something. I've been wanting to bring this up for a while now.

Me: (GULP. Welp. This is it... At least we're running... I can run home and cry. And eat ice cream).

C: Your spray-tanning. I hate it. It smells and it doesn't even look that good.

Me: (That's as bad as a break-up!!!!!!!!!!!) Well it's not stopping... I am not stopping it!

C: But you look great as you are! Without that shiz all over you!

Me: YOU'VE NEVER SEEN ME WITHOUT A TAN, SO HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW??!

Notice I said this convo was about a year ago... It took me another year+ to realize he was right (and/or to listen to this request... so sor, sor). Long of the short, after Versa, Mystic, actual sprays from a person, and countless creams/gels/younameit, I've found the end-all, be-all, tan-savior of all-time!! Thank you, Benna, for pushing me to buy the St. Tropez Mousse and Mit.

 

Y'all. You can see exactly where it's going on your bod, and it's instantly bronzing- ie no waiting around for 5 hours to see it. It does not smell badly, is not streaky, the mit keeps your palms oompa-loompa free, and it dries SUPER fast. Also, you're not sticky or wary of any clothing being ruined! It lasts for about 4 days, but you can layer more onto it without looking like a melting caramel cake. Annnnd, most importantly, it has C's stamp of approval. His words: The color is much more natural, and there's no smell. Win. WIN. Sephora sells it, so get your pasty booty to a store near you, asap.